As I was sitting here trying to think how to get things started today, God reminded me of this verse. It is very much where we are in our journey through the season in which God has placed us. Just like Paul surely did not forget the past, he chose to press forward, not allowing the past to limit him today.
Can I be honest? This is hard for me to do. After going through so much stress, after watching Tammy get so sick, after watching her get worse and worse, after pouring my soul out to our Lord, after watching Him answer prayer after prayer... it is hard not to have my actions today determined by my struggles of yesterdays. You see, it wasn't but a few months that I had to scratch her nose, move her legs, change the channel on the remote, and push the button to call the nurse. And each step toward improvement brought a new set of challenges for me to help her through. But, here's the catch, with each improvement, I catch myself wanting to limit her a bit, not wanting her to push too hard, because I know where she has come from and don't want her to hurt herself. It is a bit of the worried momma bird who knows her chicks have to jump outta the nest to learn how to fly. But what if they can't? My temptation is to say, "I don't think so." Yet, I have to let her try to fly.
And, honestly, she is doing really well. There are still some things I have to help with, but, honestly, my main job is chauffeur and oxygen tank manager. I still have to "spot" her going up the stairs, but it is really more of a "just-in-case-she-slips" thing instead of a "she-won't-make the-last-few-stairs-without-me" thing. Oh, and I help change the bandages on her hand. I almost forgot that one. And I am learning, (oh, OK, trying) to let her try things on her own, easy or hard, letting her learn her own limitations, and only saying no when I absolutely have to or when I can tell she really needs me to say no so she can give herself permission to rest.
Before I forget, Tammy has a wound care appointment for her fingers tomorrow around 10:30. Pray for her during that time. We are anticipating a painful appointment if last week was any indication.
But my lesson from this verse goes far beyond Tammy. Too often I allow my limitations in the past to stop me from achieving or attempting to achieve things now. Why do think we do this? If our God can wipe away our sins, can He not surpass our limitations? I think that we have succumbed to a deception of the enemy. The best way from keeping us from being fully obedient to God is to convince us that we are not able to be obedient because we are lacking in some area required to complete the task.
For example, it is a mild statement to say that I have a hard time keeping things organized. I can organize things really well, but it is the day in and day out maintaining that provides the challenge. However, God has placed me in a situation with Tammy where I must maintain order over this indefinite period of time, and it is absolutely beyond me! I actually haven't even gotten things organized in the beginning of her return home because of a plethora of reasons. Yet, this is where He has me, and it is hard to not feel inadequate and to keep from berating myself because of my shortcomings.
Do any of you find yourself in this place between stepping into the task and being afraid because you did such a lousy job in a similar situation? Or do you feel you have disqualified yourself because of past mistakes? If so, consider where Tammy would be if she had focused on what she had been through instead of trying to push herself to get better? What if she had said, "No more answered prayers, God. I have been so sick, and I can't imagine not being sick, so I will just stay sick." I urge you, let it go. Press on. Look forward. More importantly, MOVE forward.
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