Where's Tammy?

This could easily be the question of the week!  Poor kid!  Tammy did come home from rehab May 27th, but then she was back in for 24 hour observation by June 4th.  Except 24 hours turned into 7 days!  So finally this past Monday she was actually able to come home!  

Right now, she is camping out downstairs.  She gets too tired going up the stairs still, so we have moved her into the living room.  Keeps her in the middle of the action, too!  But, all in all, we are adjusting, we just don't quite have a smooth routine down just yet!

The reason she had to go back in the hospital is because she was a bit dehydrated because she couldn't keep food down.  There is some stuff going on with her stomach so we need you prayer warriors once again to intercede for her.  Her stomach is not emptying quick enough so it is easy for her to get too much in her stomach which causes the nausea.  She needs her stomach to kick back in and do it's job so that she can get the nutrition and the meds into her body.  And, girls please don't be jealous, but because of all of this, the doctors want her to actually gain some weight!  Great news for her taste buds!  Hours of temptation for me!  Ah, well...

I am sure God is up there laughing at my lamenting!  Of all the things to be groaning about, in light of everything else. . . So, I will quit, and I will trust Him to give me the power to say no.  God, more than anyone else, knows that if there is any saying "no" to something yummy, it is not from my own power, that too is only Him.

Oh, and a praise above all praises!  OUR FLOORS ARE DONE!   We have a little finish work to do like tacking down the carpet and reattaching baseboards, but thanks to great friends, great family, a fabulous master "Tile Man" (actually more of an artist), the audacity and initiative of a crazy red-headed cousin, and the Southlake Home Depot, our water damage has been completely erased.  Woo-hoo!  I am so humbled by all of those who came and spent hours with us on our hands and knees trying to get things finished on the floors.  And then there were the amazing ladies that came an cleaned my bathrooms and painted and cleaned some more. God bless them beyond measure. So now, all I have to do is move all the furniture back in place and surface clean the dust and floors one more time.  It is such a blessing beyond words.  I am still struggling with being blessed too much, but I also understand that with great gifts much is often required.  We are so looking forward to a flood of visitors.  Remember, this is Tammy's home now too.  You are welcome anytime, just call to make sure we are here!  Doctor's visits and pharmacy runs can keep us hopping.  Plus, we are hoping to get out and about some as Tammy builds her stamina.

Pray for us that we can get a rhythm.  Pray that my daughter can find a job soon.  Pray for Tammy's tummy.  Pray for patience on all our parts.  Pray for lungs to come soon.

Blessed too much?

Before I get to the question I asked Thursday, yet another blessing or two to share.  First of all, Tammy has been moved to a Rehab center down the street from the hospital.  If you need more info, text me or you can look me up on facebook.  Again, I hesitate to promote specifics on the site!  But WOW! From total sedation to improving enough to go to rehab!  God's wonders never cease.  He has provided in so many amazing ways, many of which I haven't shared, but trust me on this one.

So, did you think about the question?  Can a person be blessed too much by God?  

The only answer I have is the one that resonates within my spirit, which can only be the Holy Spirit rejoicing at the top of His lungs, “You can never get to the end of the blessings God pours out on you.”  I know it has to be the Holy Spirit, because the voice with in me is saying, “God, this is too much.  Howcome You keep saying yes to me.  Howcome You keep takin’ care of all this stuff for us.    And, why are you moving mountains and pocketbooks to take care of us?” Howcome us but not those people.”

You see, the “because you deserve it” thing . . . it blows my mind. Not even sure that it is true. I don’t feel like I deserve it. Actually, one of my greatest fears would be getting exactly what I deserve. How can any of us deserve anything apart from God's grace, ya know?  I began all of this asking Him to help Tammy for His glory.  And, by all that He is created, by all that He has done, it is to His glory, His reputation, His honor that she is walking laps, playing the Wii, and giving the Docs a hard time about their poor choices of sports teams. But it was really an odd sensation for me when I began to catch the overflow of His blessings.  It is hard to be a recipient of such amazing provision when it begins to feel it is on your own behalf.   Yes, I know the floors that He so miraculously provided are for Tammy’s health, but we will be enjoying them for a long time after she has moved back out on her own. (OK, not ever sure that statement about going out on her own would ever have come out of my mouth even a month ago.)

But now I realize my problem for what it really is . . . disbelief and pride.  Disbelief that God wants to pour blessings on me.  Disbelief in assuming He isn’t doing the same thing for someone else (ie. "why me and not them").  Pride that says that I have plenty to give to others, but I can’t take from them.  Arrogance in assuming He is pouring blessings upon me for me.  Remember my prayer?  He is doing this for His glory, not for me alone, but so that you would see how endless and abounding His love, yes, and His gifts are to each of us. That’s “howcome.”  OK, Lord.  I'm getting there.

Update on things at home and with Tammy

Obviously my creativity is lacking today. No catchy titles. Sorry.  It's not a bad thing, but I have been so negligent in my blogging that I have too many things to say and not even a great common denominator to tie it together.  I hope to give you the reader's digest condensed version.  Let's see how well I do.

Last time I wrote, Tammy had walked over 300 feet which is approximately the distance from her room, around the nurses station (the loop), and then back to her room one time.  Now, the girl is going two and a half times around the loop and then back to her room!  And she can get up out of bed with just a little stabilization!  She absolutely rocks!  

AND . . . trumpets, please!  She no longer has the trache.  They pulled the tubes this week and are allowing the wound to heal!  Which means . . . now a drum roll, if you don't mind . . . she may be moving to a rehab facility in the not too far off future!  And . . . if you haven't started jumping up and down yet, get outta your chair . . . it is possible if she does really well there, she could be home within a month.  I couldn't fathom 2 months ago that she would ever leave the hospital before the transplant!  I am dumbfounded at the possibility and swooning at all I have left to do! 

Speaking of stuff to do, Tammy has been as neglected by me as you guys have been.  We had two weekends of "fever and infection" in this Barnes household so, I saw her for the first time in two weeks yesterday.  And today, I didn't even get up there to give her a "third birthday" hug. You see, at 4:30 am on Mother's Day, May 14, 2006, we got a phone call saying she needed a ride to the hospital, she was getting her new breath of life that day.  It still makes me cry to think of that morning and how perfectly God orchestrated the entire day.  And, I am disappointed that I didn't make it up there to see Tammy today, or even get this blogged earlier in the day so you could call her and tell her Happy Birthday. So, if you get a chance, give her a belated call when you read this.  

I have been busy trying to get my home ready.  Home Depot Southlake donated tile for our bathroom and kitchen floors that had been damaged.  We have yet to lay it because we had to do some wall repair and repainting, and we have to shuffle furniture like crazy in order to be able to do the floor work. We also received a gift to allow us to replace the floor in our bedroom.  We already had the paint.  Plus, we are moving some of Tammy's stuff to storage so her sister and I have been packing.  Actually, mostly Tracie.  She is much more efficient than I am. We will move the rest of her things to our house once the "dust settles" but sometime before her lease is up.  I have started back to work, which is an adjustment on it's own.  (Much changes in a workplace in a month!)   And all of that can be reasons, or a list of excuses, as to why I haven't blogged at all.  However, none of these things really reflect all of the whys.

Over the next few days, I am hoping to share my heart with you.  About where I am, and what I am learning, and where things are going.  Today though, I wanted mostly to share Tammy's triumphs, not my questions.  I don't mean to seem cryptic, but I want to ask you . . . do you think there is a point where a person can receive more blessings from God than they can handle?  Let me know what you think.

300 Feet and Counting

Well, once again God has reminded me how little I understand about what He can accomplish.  This Saturday, Tammy walked 300 feet in one walk.  Of course, with a few stops for breaks, but she far surpassed the previous record of 170!  She hasn't been able to repeat those numbers yet, but she is on her regular rhythm.  She usually has a few days of slowing down before she picks back up the pace again. Besides, what do we have to but wait?

Today she also played the Wii.  She played her cousin a game of tennis an a couple of rounds of bowling.  Not too bad for left-handed and in the bed!  She even won a game of bowling.  She also has engaged the techs in a "war" of sorts.  Yesterday, one of the techs helped her work on her throwing aim so she could throw her koosh ball at one of the other techs this morning.  You would be proud!  She scared the tech to death and had a great laugh!  So later tonight, the evening tech may need to watch out.

Tonight's plans consist of Biggest Loser and cheering on the Mavs.  I write that hesitantly because the last time I announce which sporting event we were going to watch, our team (poor Stars) lost miserably.  Pray that is not the case.  She has been smack talking one of the docs about the game.  Though she is a gracious loser, she is also relentless when on the winning side. It would be a much more fun tomorrow.

I feel I also need to let you know that I am being purposely neglectful for the next few weeks while getting my house ready for her and moving her out of her apartment.  It is going to be a wee bit insane, so I ask for your patience.  It has been so long since my last post that I feel I am letting everyone down, but I assure you, if there is any urgent news, any amazing news, I will be online.  

Also, when we first get the call that we have a set of lungs coming, I am going to post as soon as I can, but it will not be until after she goes into surgery.  There are two reasons, both are somewhat selfish.  One, quite honestly, I'm not spending my last minutes with Tammy before she goes in to surgery typing to you guys.  Though you are important to me . . . please forgive my honest . . . she is a wee bit more important in that moment than you guys.  Reason 2 has more to do with getting everyone's hopes up.  The first time we got the call the last time, the doctors, upon removing them from the donor, determined that the lungs were unsuitable for transplant.  So, we were all excited and worried and nervous for nothing and had to go back to everyone and let them know.  I just want you blog followers to know up front what my "policy" will be before the time arises  

Now, let's just pray that I get to put the policy into use soon . . . really soon . . . Yes, Lord, I am still waiting, but soon would be really nice.

Celebrate Good Times, C'mon!

It's a celebration.  There's a party goin' on right here. It's a celebration.  Last throughout the year. 

So did I murder the lyrics?  I don't care!  Tammy is LISTED!  It is now a moment by moment waiting game.  McKennan, my son, turned 13  yesterday and he declared that this was a much better gift than could be bought!  I believed it would happen, but I have to just fall on my knees in thanks for all that God has brought us through!

Yes, yes, I know.  The job is not yet done, but, my friend, we are close to climbing up the hill again.  My cautious soul says that new lungs can bring a whole "host" of problems with it. And she will be weak again.  And we have to be vented again, if they have the trache removed by then.  And there are more medicines.  And there are more trips back and forth.  And there are early days and there are schedules, and meds, and IV's, and even steroids and antibiotics.  But there will also be breath. Life. Increasing strength. More laughter. Breezes to inhale and blow across her face. 

 No matter what they bring, they bring hope for a better tomorrow.  And not on their own volition, but because they will be brought by God in answer to the prayers of His saints on behalf of one of His children.  An answer He grants, not just because we ask, but He loves her.  And not just because He loves her, but He loves you and is revealing Himself, His glory, to you so that you can see Him more clearly in your life.  Because He knows the more you learn about Him, the more you will trust Him. And the more you trust Him, the more you will believe Him.  Catch the rhythm, yet?  The more you believe Him, the more you will want to know about Him and the more you will be able to comprehend that He loves you.

Yes, is chocked full of "and"s and "because"s.  Why? Everything. . . everything. . . that has happened is connected.  Every scripture, every word, every obstacle, every victory connects together.  That is the "and"s.  And "because" is so that you will know that the connections are not random, nor by chance, nor by circumstance.  Everything for a purpose, one purpose, so you can see God at work, alive, active, and full of love for you as well as Tammy.

So, celebrate with us!  Hug a friend! Kiss a kiddo! Praise God! We are confident of this, we WILL SEE the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. And now, once again, we wait for the Lord, this time for a new set of lungs in His perfect timing. 

"No" is not OK but Her New Room is Fabulous!

We really have been blessed beyond measure by the people God has placed around us.  The city has authorized a new company to review Tammy's case, and we are hoping to have their answer by Friday.  So we wait, and pray, and wait on the Lord once again.  

Meanwhile we are kicking back in our new room.  And I did mean to say "our."  When you walk in the room, the first thing you notice is the floor to ceiling bay window looking out toward downtown. That alone would be worth the move, but we also have a TV, VCR, and DVD player in a nice armoire.  In the sitting area, yes, I said sitting area, we have a coffee table, sleeper sofa and a wing-back chair.  Our refrigerator is counter height and has enough room for a few frozen dinners!  Oh, and by the way, I currently am kicked-back at my (yes, MY) computer desk.  Though I don't want to be here too much longer, we are definitely appreciating more pleasant and cheerful surroundings.   

Actually, our surroundings now match our attitudes a little better.  We are confident that the insurance problem will be resolved due to the diligence of the City and God's intervention.  We know that He has not brought us this far for a "No" from the insurance company to stop us.  We know that she is getting stronger everyday.  Yesterday, she walked twice for almost 160' and this morning she walked 150' in one trip!  I keep marveling at how God has taken my doubts and throwing them out with the garbage.  I wish I could say I saw this day coming, but I have to say that honestly I thought it would be after the transplant.  Dear Jesus, I stand corrected yet again.  I have never been more happy to be wrong.

I pray for each of you as you test the boundaries of your faith because of what you have seen in Tammy.

The Battle is Not Yet Over . . . Insurance Denied the Transplant

I feel that I have to start this message with a reminder that Ephesians reminds us that our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the principalities and powers of this world.   I say that because I need the reminder as well.

Insurance has denied the transplant, according to a phone conversation, because of the lower success rate.  We will not know all of their reasons until the transplant office gets the letter.  Again, O Lord, we are praying again for a miracle.  There are already people from the hospital and the city offices working on getting minds changed.  God has overcome so much for us already, so we are not discouraged nor are we giving up.  But we ask you to join with us once again as we storm heaven with our prayers.

I almost want to laugh!  Is there a soul out there who still may not believe that it is ALL God and only God that is going to get our girl the next transplant?  Do you even wonder any more?  I pray not!  For the rest of you, keep on keepin' on!  Put on your a1rmor and get on your knees and stand firm on His promises!  For He is great beyond measure!