Free at last! Free at last!

Praise God Almighty! She is free at last! While I know that her struggle does not compare to the generations of oppression, but it has been such a season that I could not help but want to shout this quote from the top of the building. Tammy is off the vent! She is getting humidified oxygen blown past her trache opening and she is doing all the work of breathing on her own. As a matter of fact, normally they put the patient back on the vent for the night to "rest," but she is doing so much better that they are going to try to leave her off all night! When she rocks, she rocks!

I need to confess that I absolutely messed up yesterday. We do not yet get to hear her voice. This collar is like a mini oxygen mask that fits over her trache. If she does well with this they will put in another type of trache valve. It will allow the air to move past the vocal cords. She is looking forward to her new "robot" voice. The tube will divert the air a little which will distort the sound of her voice. She may be sounding a little like her favorite green creatures! Ribbit!
Anyway, at some point they will do a "swallow study" to see if she can swallow well enough to eat. As much as she is hoping to get some chocolate milk, we think the study will involve drinking some barium, and the thought of that makes her taste buds shudder. Pray it happens sooner than later.

Also, she is down to being able to move from bed to chair with the help of one person. I think part of that is because they are able to get closer to the bed and because she no longer has the chest tubes. But we celebrate anyway! The muscles in her legs are beginning to show more, and I am making her work to get them where she wants them. It seems to be helping a bit. All we can do is keep on adding a bit of resistance to build up so she can stand on her own.

All of this improvement is leaving me with a bit of a dilemma. We have been using numbers as markers to pray towards, and now I have to be a little more creative to lead us in specific praying. She is doing really well with her left hand, but her right hand is not quite ready for the same activity. Pray that she will be able to close her hand fully and make a fist. Also pray that she will be able to bend her arm enough to be able to touch her chin. Right now it is able to reach just below the point where the two sides of the ribcage come together. Also pray that she will be able to pull her legs up to . . . how can I explain it. Imagine you are in a recliner and your legs are stretched out with your calves on the foot rest. Then, you decide to pull your legs up so that you can rest your feet on the foot rest, so your legs make a shape like a tent. I hope you can picture it because that is what we are shooting for!

It has been a pretty great day. I realize that these posts have taken a shift from "a little bit of Tammy update and lots of scripture" to "lots of Tammy stuff and a little scripture." I know that most of you only have a little time, and there is so much going on with her right now, that I do not want to neglect giving you information nor do I want to impose on your time. So, I pray you know, God is still very much in every step being taken. And He will be there when she actually takes her first steps. We are blessed beyond words, even when I feel I have used too many in one post. Til tomorrow. . . All God's blessings to you today.

Whispers of Change

Change can sometimes cause people to cringe. As you can imagine, lately, that has been cause for celebrations. There are no real promises yet, but we are getting close. We have not seen the doctor today. It is clinic day on top of the crazy number of transplant patients in ICU, so he has been quite a busy man today. So, we are waiting patiently.

Great news! When I started typing this, Tammy still had the chest tube, but right now, as I type, the doctors are in there removing it! Woo-hoo! That is one of the whispers I was going to mention that has now turned into a shout and a happy dance!

The other whisper is that possibly . . . maybe . . . hopefully . . . God-willing . . . they may try to put her on a trache collar. Which means, are you ready for this? That means that she will have oxygen only, and that she would be able to talk! Now, that is only a whisper, and that is only my current understanding of what that means. It is possible for her to have machine support if she needs it as well, but we are hoping she will be able to pull that off.

The main reason we don't know for certain that this is going to happen has more to do with how she was feeling this morning. She was coughing quite a bit last night, and this morning, she "just didn't feel good." Her breathing has been a little shallow and she has been tired. But, as the day has progressed, she has felt better. It really is a toss up. So pray fervently and I am certain the whisper will become a shout as well.

She sends her love to everyone and is humbled by how much you love her. She is always shocked to see how high the hits have gotten. I share them with her every day. Just as you will never know the full impact of your prayers on eternity, I know you could never understand the impact they are having on her spirits. Thank you, most humbly and with all of our gratitude.

The post that wouldn't post

Ok, I am just going to start out being honest. I have written this post twice, and tried to post it five times. There is nothing that boggles the mind more than what happens when you hit a button on the computer and things start disappearing. For that reason, this post has not been spell checked, nor am I going to waste time reading over what I have written. However, I need you to know that I am praying that God will remind me of all that I wrote before so that I do not miss anything He intended me to say, and that I will be sensitive enough to eliminate whatever He wanted me to omit.

This weekend at the women's retreat that I attended, an friend of mine shared a passage of scripture with us that God has been using in her life in a powerful way recently. I knew the passage, but had not come across it recently, and when she finished I wanted to stand up and shout! Of course, being the reserved, calm, mature church lady that I am (HA!), I refrained from the impulse. However, I will not resist the urge to share these words with you.

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." 2 Corinthians 4:7-8, 16-17

My friends, we have been pressed and perplexed. I am not sure about persecuted, but I assure Tammy's body was definitely struck down. But we are not crushed, nor are we in dispair. We were never abandoned, and no matter what we will never be destroyed. We are all painfully aware that our bodies are really only jars of clay: formed for a purpose, yet fragile, able to be cracked and then repaired, but not without a scar. And why? To show that the all-surpassing power to heal, to alter situations, to have peace, to be strong, to persevere, to save a soul, to tranform a life, to move on, to press on, to give more, to do more, to survive more - this power comes from God. It is important to remember, it doesn't come from Tammy nor from the love of Tammy, not from her family nor their dedication, not from the doctors nor their medications, not from reason, nor chance, nor coincidence, nor karma - it comes from our God! There is no God but our God. And even in the midst of what we are going through, we have been reminded over and over by our waiting room friends, our horrid troubles are only light and temporary. Light, because of Christ bearing us through, and temporary, because like all seasons, eventually this season will pass. One day! O, one day! Our enternity will be glorious!

Now, for Tammy's current struggle, this weekend has been pretty good. She was able to have the smaller chest tube removed, and she isn't on pain meds anymore. The med she was on made her a little spaced out and a whole lot tired, so she is glad to be done with it I think. She has been making up for lost time teasing her family. It has been a busy weekend in CVICU because they have done two transplants in two days. Because of that, Tam has been moved to a new room in the unit. She is still in isolation, so when you come, make sure you ask where you can clean up and get your mask and gloves. The room is one of the smaller rooms, so we probably ought to be more diligent about the "two at a time" rule. Sorry, the room's just not very big.

I would like one more time to ask you to allow me to ask for prayer, this time, closer to my heart. My dad's mom, my Nanny, is 90+ years old and she is not doing very well mentally, emotinally, and more than likely, spiritually as well. She is beginning to lose touch with what is real and what is not. I wish I could say she was slipping into blissful memories, but that is not the case. All of her thoughts are leaning toward the horrid and scary. She is constantly afraid, and though she is in no danger, she is unable to reason with herself. Every bad story is her reality. In order to protect her privacy and her dignity, I will not elaborate further. I beg and implore you to please lift her in your prayers this week. We know that "perfect love casts out all fear," so pray God's perfect love permeates her mind, heart, and soul.

Pardon me please...

While I adjust my rhythm. I am no longer staying nights at the hospital, so I am having to find times to blog and give my kiddos some long needed attention, plus all the other stuff that goes along with being at home. I mean, now I have to make my own bed, wash and fold my own towels, and if I need a soda, I am going to have to squeeze in time to go to the grocery store. Granted life will be a lot less expensive, but it will definitely be busier. But it is worth it.

Tammy is also adjusting to the chest tubes. She did sit in the recliner again yesterday, but she was a little nauseous. I think that is because of the pain meds, plus they changed the formulation of her liquid diet. We are trying to get enough nutrition into her to allow her to get stronger and heal, but her stomach is having a hard time adjusting to the volume of food she needs. Plus, when she moves, the tubes hurt. She's not quite sure how to explain it, but as she said, "It's not fun."

She did get a visit from her supervisors at the EPD. I think it made her day to see them. They came to deliver a card and some good news, but . . . that is all I am going to tell you about the news. For many of you, it is not a secret, for those of you who don't . . . you'll have to check back next weekend to find out. Yes, that is a shameless teaser, but I want to be able to tell the whole story, and it won't be finished until next week, so . . . there you go!

Nighttime is going pretty well for her as well. Of course, she has been on pain meds that have her sleeping like a rock on a sunny hillside. She has encouraged us both nights to go home. I am so thankful to God that He has brought us to this place. Every step toward getting closer to another transplant is a step prepared by God. Every trip home is a trip prepared by Him. Dare we even allow our selves to explore that thought further? Yes, sometimes the road seems tragic. (There has been a lot of that in the ICU this last few weeks.) Sometimes, it seems we are hanging on the side of a cliff, nevermind considering a road. But none of it is a surprise for Him. So, ask Him why He has you where you are, right at this time, for what purpose. The answers do not always come easy. In some situations, it never comes easy. You may need to sit alone, rocking, crying, wailing, begging for a hint of a clue. But let me encourage you, make sure you don't go there alone. Take God and His Word with you. Read the book of James or begin going through the Psalms, one at a time. Read until He gives you a glimpse of His plan or some comfort for you to cling to. Of one thing I am certain. If you look for Him, if you long for Him, if you are willing to search Him out . . . you will find Him. That is my experience, but that is not my promise. It's His.

You can run, but you can't hide!

I kinda feel like I am writing a western novel. Yesterday, we dodged bullets, but today we hear the ominous threat of the bad guys, warning us that they are going to pay us back one way or the other. It is funny how life takes a theme.

Today, the bullet caught us. Tammy ended up have to get a chest tube, actually two tubes. Her lung had deflated in a small area at the top and a larger area at the bottom of her LEFT lung. (Earlier a respiratory therapist told us it was the right, shows what they know.) The area in the middle remained "inflated" but what we think happened was scar tissue was holding it open, preventing it from collapsing. They decided to use the two tubes to drain the appropriate areas of her lung. She was feeling OK when I left her for the evening break, but she said the whole process hurts. I foresee an evening of pain killers . . . and maybe an opportunity to collect some blackmail material.

We do have one small victory to proclaim. Actually it was really a big hurdle. She was able to sit in a recliner for the first time today, not the cardiac chair, but the real recliner. Just so you can understand just how amazing this feat is for her. First, she has to use her abdominal muscles move herself into a sitting position while the nurse swings her legs over the side of the bed. Then once she gets to the side of the be she has to hold herself upright until they get the iv tubes, trache tubing, and all the other paraphernalia positioned just right. Next comes the slide off the edge of the bed onto two feet who haven't been on the floor since the 7th of February. Her legs, which have been robbed of the purpose they were created for, have to lift her and stabilize her enough to allow her to spin around so she can be in the right position. Even with the strength of two nurses, the burden of having to work causes them to shake and quiver, challenging her equilibrium and her stability. Once she is in position, the nurses help her ease into the chair. By this time, her legs have just about had it. Finally the reward, she gets to kick back in the recliner and feel secure and somewhat normal for the first time in a long time. Only to follow the reward with having to do everything again, only backwards. It was an exhausting morning.

When you are done reading this and you move away from you computer, think about every movement that has to come together to make that happen. Then praise God that you, dear friend, are "fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalm 139.

I am also hit with the realization that I am so very blessed even though sometimes we try to run away from God and His truth, God lets us run, yet, beloved creation of God, we can never, ever hide. He is just waiting for us to turn and look back. He is right there waiting.

Well, dodged the bullet one more day...

They still haven't ruled out the possibility of the chest tube. Tammy's blood is still a little thin, so they don't want to risk the possibility of extra bleeding without knowing for sure if it will help her feel better. Her stats have been fine up to this point even though it is still a little tough to breathe. She's not in pain, she just has to work harder. The lung has not inflated any further, but it does not appear to be getting worse at this time. We are hoping it will begin to show signs of improvement on the next x-rays. They had upped her oxygen to 100% because that can help the hole in her lung to heal. Today they decreased it to 60% to allow her to get used to a lower level before they go back, to the 40% she was used to. And, here is a number you haven't heard in a while, her PEEP has been lowered to 4. It has been at 5 for 3 weeks now, and I didn't think they were going to lower it again. Shows what I know. They also lowered her pressure support to 10%. Remember, we are asking God to lower that to between 5 and 8, so they can try her off the vent. I am not sure if they will attempt that until her lung gets better. We will see.

Tammy is feeling better. I know for sure because she is begging for chocolate milk. Nestle's Chocolate Milk. Not from the powder. The already mixed kind you get in the dairy section. When someone is that specific, you can tell it has become a bit of an obsession. I have gotten to the place where I feel bad every time I go out to get a drink of water. I generally just say that I need to step out for a minute, or I wait until she sleeps.

Speaking of sleeping, she and I both skipped that last night. YAWN! She was coughing a lot, and we had a rookie nurse. Enough said? I am not generally a complainer, but I didn't want to leave her knowing she was needing help. Thankfully, the day nurse was much better, and her coughing was not as severe, so I was able to take a nap (like a 4.5 hour one) this afternoon. It should be interesting to see how tonight goes. So far, no coughing, but I am not going to mention it out loud. Oh, and as to why she was coughing, no clue she was just much more sensitive to sensations in her throat. Pray for good sleep and no discomfort.

Tenacity

"Tenacity is more than endurance, it is endurance combined with the absolute certainty that what we are looking for is going to transpire. Tenacity is more than just hanging on, which may be but the weakness of being too afraid to fall off. Tenacity is the supreme effot of a man refusing to believe that his hero is going to be conquered, . . . Remain spirtually tenacious."
Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, February 22

After reading this quote that was in my Bible Study for today, I have decided that "tenacious" is my new favorite word for describing Tammy! Her response to lung disease from the very beginning has born the proof of her tenacity. She was doing much more than "hangin' in there," she has looked forward with confidence. There has seldom been any "ifs" in her conversations, alway she says "when." She is convinced that God is with her and He is going to finish whatever it was that He started in her. And, it is great to know that her confidence has also been supported now by proof.

There a some of you that she has met because of the first transplant. There are some of you who have watched her live life, and know these things are true. There are those of you who are encouraged through your own struggles because Tammy has been going through so much and hasn't stopped moving forward. There are those of you who knew Tammy before and realize that at times, when she is well, that you can't even tell a difference because she still laughs as easy, still jokes as much, and keeps pushing herself even physically. There are some of you who have never even met her, but know someone who has, and this story of God's love for her, this story of His power transforming her life and restoring her health, has become an encouragement to you.

You see, even while she is lying in the bed, dependent on someone to read her lips for communication, even with a collapsed lung (no new word today on that), God is still fulfilling His purpose in her life. It is her confidence that God is already victorious in her life. She doesn't preach it. She doesn't drag it in to every conversation, though she is not shy about it. What she does do - loudly, clearly, and pointedly - is LIVE it.

Praise God Today is Sunday

Is there really a better day to ask people to pray? They are already coming together for Bible Study. Their hearts are already turned toward God. No one has to alter plans to get together with other believers. So, is anyone surprised to learn that her lung has begun to inflate?

You see, last night I discovered that there was not a full collapse of the lung, but that it was progressively getting worse. The plan of action in that case was to have to put in a chest tube to remove any excess air or fluids accumulating to allow the lung to inflate. So, when I woke up this morning, I thought I'd better hurry down there so I wouldn't miss the procedure. I didn't want her to be scared. It took a while for the doctor to get to us, but when he came in he told us that the x-rays were improving, so no chest tube for today! Yay!

Once again, your prayers were answered specifically. Celebrate today! I keep humming the old hymn:

'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
and to take Him at His word;
just to rest upon His promise,
and to know, "Thus saith the Lord."

Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I've proved Him o'er and o'er!
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O, for grace to trust Him more!

O, dear Lord, for grace to trust Him more! There really is no name more precious, no name more powerful, no name more sweet, no name more worthy of praise than the name Jesus! How blessed we are to call Him Savior, Lord, and Friend. Have a blessed an glorious day.

Not Every Day Can Be a Good Day

Thursday evening started off rough with nausea and dry heaves. It was not a fun evening, so we were glad when the nurse gave her some medicine that let her sleep for a whole two hours. You have to understand, there is no way - none - that anyone could have kept up with Tammy's sleep schedule the three days before. We would watch TV until 12:30 or 1:00 am, then I would beg out. She might actually nod off to sleep. However, when I would return at 4:00 am, the nurse would tell me she only slept 30 min to an hour at most. Then we would chat and talk until 6:00 am. I would go crash for a few hours. She would have physical therapy and maybe occupational therapy while I was gone. When I would get back to her, she would be in the chair. Even when she was exhausted from being in the chair, she still would only snooze for a few minutes, then she'd be awake until 1:30 or 2:00 pm. Then she would take another 45 minute nap, only to be awake until I couldn't keep my eyes open at 12:30 am again. So, even though the nausea was bad, you understand why I said at least she slept.

When I came in at 5 that morning, she was fine, but when I returned at 10:30, she was hurting. Her arm and her hand were making her miserable. To touch it or move it would bring her to tears. This time they gave her some pain meds that absolutely knocked her out. She even slept through a visit from one of her friends. It took all day for us to finally get an ice pack, but when I returned later, she was much better but still in pain. Her sister came up and spent the night Friday, because I had to work this morning, which was a great relief since the previous 24 hours hadn't been so easy.

When we returned this afternoon, we discovered that she has a lung that has collapsed, sometime in the last couple of days. The kicker is, they are going to wait to see if it re-inflates itself, and may not do anything until Monday. Pray, please pray. But at this point, do not only pray that will re-inflate, also pray for the Doctors that I don't become impatient. It is so hard for "wait and see." I don't know medicine, even though I am much smarter than 8 weeks ago. And I know that my verse for this season tells me to "Wait for the Lord," so I know things are in His hands, but it is hard to know when I am supposed to say something, and when I am supposed to shut up and wait. I really need to talk to a doctor so I can learn one more thing, so I can understand better. What I do know is that in order for them to re-inflate the lung, she will have to have a chest tube. Which may be why they want to wait, so, dear Warriors on your knees, pray once again for a miracle.

Before I go much further, I need to let you know, she is not in too much pain from the collapsed lung. Remember that there are no nerve connections between her brain and her lungs. The nerves do not grow from her bronchial tubes to the donor lungs. So, it hurts a little to breathe because of the muscles, but the lung itself doesn't hurt. It is serious stuff, but she is not in excruciating pain.

So, if you decide to come visit, please give us a call first. If you don't have our number, you probably know someone who does. If you can't get in touch with them, you can call the hospital waiting room. The number is in the phone book. I am not going to list the information here to reduce the chance of spammers and other people locating this blog through a search or other spy ware program. Thanks for understanding.

Confession...I had the day off...

I went to play with the kids. We had a great time. Thank you for asking! We went to a movie, and I made my daughter's day by going shopping, and my son's day by buying a Wii game and renting another. It was a blessing to be able to leave. Thank you to the cousin who came and hung out with Tammy today.

However, I hear she had a great day. She was able to sit up on the side of the bed with her feet dangling. They had to stabilize her a little bit, but she was really excited. I have to tell you, if you want to be encouraged, if you want to see prayers in action, if seeing her smile will make you smile, you need to come visit. Call before you come so that we don't all hit her at once, but I can assure you, it is worth the drive. I would like to ask that you don't come in large numbers. It can wear her (and the nurses) out. But it would be great if she had a visitor or two every day. Daytime during the week is the best time, but I know that so many of you work. I also encourage those of you who came to see her when she was so very sick to come be encouraged by the power of prayer. You, more than others, will really be in awe of all that God has accomplished through your prayers.

I apologise for the short post, but my dinner is here. I promise not to be so negligent tomorrow.

A Different Kind of Dream

The first Sunday Tammy was in the hospital, our Worship Pastor quoted a verse that I realized was a gift from God. I am not going to share it with you just yet, but it was the basis of my prayers for her rest throughout her sedation, and even over the last few weeks. It spoke of God quieting her with His love. I wanted her to feel the presence of God, even in her sedation. Her reality was so scary, I didn't want her to have horrible dreams too. I prayed this verse. And when we knew they were going to take her out of sedation, I put the words on a poster on her wall that I made on the computer, along with two other posters with her Deut. verse and my Psalm 27 verse.

Well, last night, during the Stars game (which, by the way, was not so very impressive), she and I were "talking." She is learning to write with her left hand on a white board, because her right arm hurts so bad. She asked about different things like: "Are you paying my bills?" "What about work?" "Why did they put me on the vent?" "Am I already on the list?" So, I began telling her about how sick she was. I also began telling her about how the prayers of God's saints (you) had been constantly flowing, and how God answered our prayers by lowering her numbers one number at a time. I told her how God showed me Psalm 27, and how God had used that verse to get me through every stage of the process, trusting in the fact that He loves her more than I do, and that He would do the very best for her, whether I liked it or not.

I shared with her about the call to prayer, about how many of you came up to the hospital on the prompting of the Spirit of God, and about how that day was so encouraging to me. I told her about starting the blog because I couldn't keep up with who I told what and make sure that everyone knew what was going on. When I told her that there had been over 5000 hits on the blog, the tears that she had been holding back when I told her about the call to prayer began to spill. I told her I couldn't wait for her to read about all of the specific answers to prayer. It is going to blow her away.

Then she wrote, "I keep having a dream about a flower." I asked her what kind of flower and she wasn't sure, so we are going to do some searches. Then she said, "I hear singing and then the flower begins to bloom." I asked her how it made her feel. She said, "Good. Calm." I gulped, pointed to the wall to the poster decorated with a huge yellow flower (not the one from her dream) that had the verse on it I mentioned earlier. Now, I will share the verse I was talking about earlier:

The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing. Zephaniah 3:17

We looked at each other. Her eyes got wide and she pointed at me and said, "That's it." It was my turn to cry. I never would have imagined that God would allow her to actually hear singing. I was so humbled that He let me in on how He was planning to love on her. It awes me at how specific that verse was answered, and that the verse was mentioned in a worship service, not in light of what was going on with her, but to encourage us. So now my tears of awe have turned to celebrating. He is the most amazing God. To Him be all the glory for all that He has done, all that He is doing, and all that He will do!

Oh, I almost forgot. Her pressure-assistance is down to 13%! Remember, we are praying for 5% and it started at 25%. Sorry about that, in light of our conversation, the number wasn't my focus today.

Settling in for a Night with the Stars

If you thought "Dancing with the Stars," boy, you don't know Tammy too well! We are talkin' Dallas Stars! She is excited to be able to check in on the boys on the ice. Our theory is that they heard she was sick and just couldn't find the heart to play. But now that she is doing much better, surely ... surely ... they have to play better tonight. Of course, for most of you, you will be reading this after the fact, but allow us our moment, will ya?

Actually, other than nausea, it has been a pretty good day. I had some errands to run, and there weren't too many visitors. Physical and Occupational Therapists came by to visit. Pray God will remove the pain from her right arm. Since it is so tender to the touch, the therapy sessions are a real beat down. It is one thing to have weak muscles and stiff joints, but it is entirely another when 90% of the movements involve someone applying pressure in the middle of a bruise. The therapist is as careful as she can be, but it is pretty rough.

The doctor came in today with a new "fellow" which is replacing the one that rotated off last week. As the doc was catching up the new guy with everything that had gone on, I was impressed once again at how God has moved at exactly the right time, every time, since this thing started. Do you realize how much trouble He has gone through to get our attention? Yes, I said "our." Yours and mine. It is not coincidence that you have chosen to share this journey with us. It is not just because you love Tammy. God placed the idea for this blog on my heart, and He is the one who gives me the ideas and the lessons that I am learning. I certainly never would have thought I would have something to write about every day for as many days as I have. It really is God prompting me. And you. You always have the option of stopping at the very beginning after the update, or ignoring the "spiritual stuff," and some of you may be doing that very thing. But for those of you who are reading on, or maybe who only take the time every other day, the days you do choose to read are not a surprise to God. He prompts you. He is wanting to encourage you. He wants you to know His love for you and that He wants to be actively involved in your life, just like He has been in Tammy's. So much of this blog has been about what I have learned, so I would like to ask remind you to not hesitate to share what God is teaching you, if not in the comments here, then with someone you love. Maybe He is getting your attention for the encouragement of someone else as well.

Moving right along...

Remember, the Muppet Movie? That one phrase is boppin' through my head 'cause that's kinda what I feel like we are doin'.

Today was the first day of Occupational Therapy, which means they began to move her arms around. Those of you who have been in since she has been awake know that she has been raising her left arm and waving good-bye and hello. Lately she has even been able to raise it enough to scratch her nose and point to things. She is also using her left hand to hold the laser pointer when she wants to say something with the letter board. Because she is using her left arm more, it is in much better shape than the right arm.

Now the right arm...that is a different story. It is incredibly stiff because it spent 3 weeks in a heating pad to keep the circulation going. Then, she had a hematoma in her upper arm that basically bruised her from her shoulder all the way to her wrist. It is clearing up a bit, but it is incredibly tight. These things are all conspiring to make it more difficult to move her arm around. It hurt a bit when the therapist tested her range, so the therapist gave us homework. Thankfully Tammy understands how important it is to constantly work toward goals, so we are praying God super-humanly enables her muscles to gain in strength every day.

In 2 Samuel 22:29-37, David sang a song of victory after God delivered him from King Saul who once again tried to kill him. The song starts at the beginning of the chapter, but these verses seemed very poignant to me, especially when David spoke of how the Lord enabled him. Read with me:

You are my lamp, O LORD;
the LORD turns my darkness into light.
With your help I can advance against a troop;
with my God I can scale a wall.
As for God, his way is perfect;
the word of the LORD is flawless.
He is a shield
for all who take refuge in him.
For who is God besides the LORD ?
And who is the Rock except our God?
It is God who arms me with strength
and makes my way perfect.
He makes my feet like the feet of a deer;
he enables me to stand on the heights.
He trains my hands for battle;
my arms can bend a bow of bronze.
You give me your shield of victory;
you stoop down to make me great.
You broaden the path beneath me,
so that my ankles do not turn.

Our darkness has been turned to light, and though unlike David, our battle is not over, our enemy is not defeated. But, with his help, Tammy can scale the wall. This is not the path anyone would have chosen for her, but it is His path, and He is providing the victory. It is He who is strengthening her spirit. It is He who is strengthening her leg muscles to allow her to push up and to stand. It is He who will help her train her hands for the battle ahead. (But please don't send her a bow and arrow set. I am too easy of a target!) It is also He who will shield her and give the victory. Yes, she has great spirit, but it is His Spirit alive and working in her and through your prayers that are making the difference in Tammy and her her recovery.

Friends and First Words

This weekend has been a good one for visiting with friends. Some of the people from church came by yesterday, and today, she got a visit from some of her work friends. She was sitting in the chair, so the timing was perfect. One of the girls made a poster with pictures of Tammy and some of the other dispatchers at work. She was able to laugh and goof around for a while.

We also have some poster boards that her cousin put letters on for us, and Tammy's brother, Danny, bought a laser pointer. With a little practice, she was able to point the laser at the letters. Actually she got so good at it that, when were giving her a hard time, she told us to "Back off!" Woo-hoo! The attitude lives!

It is so good to see her laughing, and it was almost as good to see her make people laugh! There are many things in the world that are precious, but to see the smile of someone you love has to be among the top 20. And they are even more precious when you have come through a time when you didn't think you would see it ever again. Actually, that really shouldn't be the case, should it? Every smile of a loved one should be a treasure. It is just really easy to take them for granted. We really don't have assurance that we have a tomorrow or a next time. So, the next smile, the next laugh you share with your kids, or your spouse, or your friends, or your sister, or your brother, or a grandparent...keep it close. Record the way their eyes sparkle. Does their nose wrinkle? Do they have dimple? Is it a short laugh, or a hold on to your sides and cry laugh? Is it a rumble? Does it carry into the next room or can you barely hear it at all? Why are they smiling? Should you do it again, or is the laugh a warning that you better not? Warning: They may look at you like you're crazy as they watch you looking at them. Just smile back and say, "I just like to see you smile." I guarantee, unless it is a teenager, that you will be rewarded with another smile to tuck away in your treasure box.

Late Night in the CVICU

Well, I will say Tammy is doing a wee bit better than the Mavs! We stayed up late last night watching the game, too bad we couldn't have celebrated a little more. But this morning, for some reason, I was exhausted. I've not watched much TV in weeks. Do you think it zapped my energy? It didn't have the same effect on Tammy; she really only naps at night, then sleeps during the day. So, if you come to visit and she falls asleep the whole time, don't take it personal.

We have been doing exercises this afternoon. She works up a sweat, so I know she is working hard. It is exciting to see her muscles engage and actually have results, regardless of how small. I have given her permission to say "enough," though she seldom does. She has about 10 different exercises, with 10 or 5 repetitions each, and all of them work the same few muscles. Occasionally we do a few less than 10, but she will do it if I ask her to try. But like everything, you can kinda tell when enough is enough.

It has been a crazy week for me, personally. There is a lot going on in the life of my family, and I have felt your prayers for me as well as for Tammy. All of us who have spent time here have had to make sacrifices and have had to make choices, sometimes difficult ones, to be here. There have been so many of you who have offered to help take care of us. Thank you on so many different levels. We praise God for each of you.

Getting in shape is much harder after 30...

...plus days on a vent! However, Tammy's strength amazes me. We, yes, we have homework this weekend. Add to my resume physical therapy assistant! She had her first session this morning and did phenomenally well. She was able to move her legs way better than I would have guessed. I was convicted that I am doing way too much of the little shuffling things for her. The bigger stuff, like lifting her legs onto a pillow, is beyond her, but she can readjust with a little help and some support. They are concentrating on her legs first because that will help her get into the chair on her own much faster. I would assume the larger the muscle, the harder the work. Nursing friends, is that correct?

After physical therapy, she went directly into the chair like yesterday. Today she stayed close to three hours. It still wears her out, so she always follows up with a nap. How ever it make her feel, it sure does my heart good to see her sitting upright. Troy says it does his too! But I am certain it is much easier for me to watch than it is for her to do, so she may not appreciate my excitement just yet!

The doctors say she is doing really well, however, they have not been changing the vent settings. My unprofessional theory is that they don't want her to have to work hard physically and work hard breathing at the same time. But I explicitly trust her lead physician, and I know he really likes her (how could he not!), so I know he is personally vested in her recovery as well. How blessed we are to have a doctor who cares more about her than about numbers.

My biggest frustration, the way I feel we let her down the most, is in our inability to communicate with her. We are guessing most of the time what she needs, and if it is something new that she hasn't asked for, or if she just wanted to make a comment, I am at a total loss. After the third or fourth guess, she closes her eyes, shakes her said, and in effect says, "Never mind." I have to come up with something better to say than, "I'm sorry." I imagine (because she can't tell me) that she is as sick of hearing it as I am of saying it! However, I can speak to other people, I can type on the computer. She just sits there, stuck with her own thoughts with other people's words swirling around her. We are working on a few things, like a letter and word board, so pray that it works. Or, if you have any experience with this kind of thing, let me know what you have done. We are so open to any suggestion.

To quote the Beatles, "O, You make me want to shout!"

They will tell of the power of Your awesome works,
and I will proclaim Your great deeds.
They will celebrate Your abundant goodness
and joyfully sing of Your righteousness. Psalm 145:6-7

I am proclaiming! Are you listening? Actually, if you get really quiet, you might even be able to hear me laughing I am so happy. Tammy is sitting up in a chair! It is what they call a cardiac chair. The chair lays flat next to the bed then they slide her over onto the chair. Once she is settled, they sit her up! It was a little disconcerting, but they had her strapped in, so she is secure. She is also getting stronger with her left hand and arm, and today she isn't on any pain meds at all. They may put her back on them later if she gets to hurting, but she is OK right now. Her other numbers also are maintaining themselves well, so we may be getting up more often. She may also get to start physical therapy soon, so she can be strong when we get her off the vent.

Yes, her strength and bravery are key, but she herself will tell you, that strength and courage come from the One in whom she places her trust. Today join with me as I celebrate His abundant goodness because He is doing an awesome work in one amazing young lady.

Nobody knows...

"Each heart knows its own bitterness,
and no on can share its joy." Prov. 14:10

When I read this verse this morning, I was struck with how much it applied to my day yesterday. As much as we hurt for Tammy, worry for Tammy, pray for Tammy, and care for Tammy, our hearts will never understand the journey her heart is traveling. We can really never know the true extent of what anyone is feeling, be it joy or sadness. We also can't expect anyone to understand exactly where how our heart is either. Even if we use eloquent words or demonstrative emotions, only your heart can feel what you feel.

That being said, Tammy seems to be in better spirits today, based on what I can see with my eyes. At least her humor is back. She motioned me over, so I went through my usual list of questions: "Are you hot? Cold? Hurting? Need me to do something?" No to all of them. Then, in my infinite wisdom and great presence of mind, I asked, "Do you need to tell me something?" Immediately, she closed her eyes, grinned, and huffed. Then, it dawned on me! Duh! Poor kid hasn't been able to say a word for a month! She has thousands of somethings to tell me! I assured her that was the last dumb question of the day, she laughed again. "OK, so I'll try to keep it to one a day," I promised. She nodded her head with a look that said, "Good luck with that one!" And no, I never figured out that time what she wanted in the first place. I think she was trying to help me keep my promise!

She has slept a lot today, probably because she didn't sleep at all until last night. Her numbers on her blood work are doing good. Our goals: stave off any infections, decrease pressure support from vent, get off vent, get strong. In that order. The pressure support is how much the machine assists when she initiates breath. She has been able to initiate breath for several days, and the support started at 25. She is now down to 19. She says the drop this time was so gradual that she can't tell a difference. That is a great thing!

We know she is tough and determined. Pray she perseveres through this. The doctors have all said if anyone can get the job done, it is her. The nurses are so excited to see her smile. They have loved on her and cared for her with no interaction. I am anticipating them fighting over who gets to take care of her each day. Keep checking in and keep encouraging her. It is easy to rest and think that the road only goes up from here, but there are always bumps and potholes on a seldom used road. Not to mention falling rocks and damaged guard rails.

There's one other thing you can do. I am just not a very funny person, and we all know Tammy loves to laugh. The next time you are in the grocery store or drug store, could you pick up and mail a funny "get well" or "encouragement" card? You can send them to the hospital, the Euless PD, or to her home address. (I don't want to post any addresses on the blog, but get creative!) I'd like to fill her room with things that will make her smile. Since cards are OK, and balloons, stuffed animals, and flowers are not, I thought it would be fun. Help me keep a smile on her face.

Tammy had the first of many days of coming to terms with what has happened to her. Tears poured for several hours on and off. It is just frustrating for her, as we all know it must be, but can only imagine. I will not elaborate further because somethings are best not written. But I felt the effect of all of your prayers that God had you praying over the last few weeks. Thank you.

Other than that, she did pretty well today. Got a little choked up every once in a while, but all in all her numbers breathing were better. She didn't double stack her breath. She also didn't set off the alarm with the PVCs. Praise God!

Today is also the day that I ask you a question, actually two. But you have to wait for it. Or you can skip ahead I guess if you are a rule breaker, but please come back and read anyway. There is not one of you who would deny exactly how amazing Tammy is. She is lovely beyond words. There is nothing about her that isn't incredible. Funny and fun. Silly and sincere. Loving and lively. Spontaneous and sports-driven. She inspires joy and is joyful. She is spark and sparkle. She is strong and soft. Tenacious and tender (but don't tell her I told you). I mean, how many of us think we could generate over 4250 hits on a blog if we were sick? I am not certain I would. If anyone should be blessed by God, it is her, right?

So, here's they are: Do YOU believe God would bless you? Do you believe that God would want to bless you? It is easy to believe God will bless those we regard as a blessing to others, but seldom do we see ourselves in that light. We know our weaknesses, our faults, our willful disobedience. We know our hateful thoughts. We know how often we fail those we love. But, our behavior has nothing to do with God's desire to bless you. First of all, He loves you. He gave His Son's life for yours. And the gift of eternal life is yours if you believe in Christ was the one and only Son of God who paid the price. (John 3:16) It is hard to believe that there is no on in the world that He loves to a greater measure than He loves you. Not Tammy. Not Billy Graham. Not the Pope. He loves you just as much as He loves them, and He wants to . . . read that again . . . He wants to bless you. He promises if we seek Him, we will find Him. (Deut. 4:29, Matt. 7:7-8) Then, here comes the best part. In Ephesians 1:3, Paul wrote, "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ." Read very carefully the next words. Jesus Christ has blessed those who believe. The original word in the Greek text translated blessing means: to praise, celebrate with praises, to invoke blessings, to consecrate a thing with solemn prayers, to ask God's blessings on a thing, pray God to bless it to one's use, pronounce a consecratory blessing on, of God, to cause to prosper, to make happy, to bestow blessings on, favoured of God, blessed. His first and greatest blessing is the forgiveness of our sins and eternal life, but then, Christ continues to bless you, to invoke blessings over you, to consecrate you with His solemn prayers, to ask God's blessings on you . . . get the message.

Yes, Tammy is amazing and special. But, she is no more special, no more loved, no more treasured, and no more special than YOU. As you examine your heart and contemplate the questions "Do you believe God would bless you? Do you believe that God would want to bless you? " here is my prayer for you until tomorrow. And I will be praying this continually for each of you.

"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family. in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen"

Ephesians 3:14-21

OK...so I Lied! Sorry

Today has been a pretty good day. However, it started off by learning some new words! When I walked in this morning, Tammy was pretty awake so I began to tell her stories of her cousin's wedding the day before. And believe me . . . there are some great ones. Ask anyone who was there! I had an absolute blast! (I have to tell you, they are really the greatest couple!) She was smilin' and laughin' (as best as she can) and things were going well. Then after a while, my lesson of the day began.

She began to have an alarm go off with her heart beat. It was a PVC alarm, which if I remember right is a Pre-ventricular Contraction. Basicly, her heart is trying to skip a beat or it is trying to beat before it was time. Then the nurse comes in and said that she needed to ask me to leave. Nothing like scaring a person to death. But then she explained a little better that since she has been working hard trying to breathe, plus all the meds and stress she has been on, her heart may have a tendency to get agitated when she has had too much excitement or frustration. So then I felt guilty. Later though we noticed that it would go off while she was sleeping. So, my guilt was relieved. I also heard that it isn't so bad that it happens, it is just if it happens too often, or too many times in a row, they would need to give her meds for it. So we watch.

We also need to pray that her breathing will settle down a bit. She was stacking her breaths, which is kind of like . . . hmmm . . . kind of like when a kiddo has been sobbing and they take two short breaths together. The number we have been praying to go down has been moved up to 21. Remember we are striving for 5. Keep praying.

Now, for my apology, I was going to pose a question, but it requires some explanation, so tonight you have a repreive. I had an engagement this evening that I had to attend, and Danny wasn't able to get the computer to me beforehand. I should really try to find a laptop. Anyway, now quite honestly . . . I am too tired to be too deep tonight! I hope none of you mind too much. I think I am going to go back and listen to our girl breathe.

Great day of Praise!

It has been one week since God issued a call to pray, and so many of you answered that call. Some of you set alarms on cell phones. Some of you were reminded divinely by the Holy Spirit just in time. Some of you drove to Dallas. Some of your churches prayed as a congregation. Some of you prayed getting your nails done. Some prayed where ever you found your self. And...God listened.

Tammy is doing so much better! She is completely off sedation and only has a little bit of pain meds. Each day, she is getting more and more coherant. She is still not able to talk, but she is smiling and can answer yes and no questions. She has also waved her right hand, which is the bad one! We weren't sure how mobile that arm was. Pray she doesn't discover the fingers on her own. However, we are so thankful to God for what He has already done for us, and I am certain He is far from finished. I cannot wait until Tammy can talk to us so I can tell her what all He has done.

However, she does not know about the blog, and I'd like to ask you to not share that info with her for a little while. I don't want her worrying about me sharing something that she doesn't want me to share. I don't think I have shared anything that would make her uncomfortable, but she would assume I was sharing every minute detail. I don't want her worried about anything other than getting better. I plan on sitting down with her one day and letting her read the whole thing while I am with her so I can fill in the gaps and answer questions. I also know it will be a humbling moment when she realizes how many people love her and have prayed thousands of prayers for her.

Tomorrow I am hoping to have more time to type and more great news to share. Plus, I will have a question for you to think on, but I need to work on the best way to formulate the question!

Are You Ready to Ruuummmmble?

Tammy's fight is kickin' in! She is initating each breath for the first time since she went on the ventilator! The machine is still giving her a push, doing about 80% of the work, but she is having to work to make each breath happen. That is great news! The next few days, they will begin playing with the settings, switching more of the control back to her.

But here is the best news! She is not under any form of sedation, though she is on pain meds, but nothing to the levels like before. We have gotten our first smiles, our first waves hello and good-bye, and what we call the "stinky face" when I asked her if she wanting to suction her mouth again. She is far from what we would call conversational, nor is she cracking jokes or even consistant in her response. But she may get to that place before long. We are praising God for every lucid moment. We are blessed with every breath.

I have to admit it is hard to express my relieve and thanks for Tammy when my heart is still heavy for Gerald's loss. Our hearts have been on a rollercoaster today. How many places can one's spirit travel in one day? Yet, we know He has known where we would be today since before we were born. So we trust, knowing that all things are truly in His hands.

And we praise Him. Praise Him for giving life. Praise Him for eternal life. Praise Him for people to love. Praise Him for the gift of people who will love us. Praise Him for His sovreignty. Praise Him that He is good. Praise Him that He is not changed by circumstances. Praise Him that He doesn't leave us on our own. Praise Him that He is not far away, but close with us. Praise Him for the Holy Spirit indwelling in us, the Comforter that Christ promised. Praise Him because He always is, always was, and always will be. He is eternal, loving, true, pure, careful, righteous, more than enough, all-knowing, all-powerful, and constant. He is comfort, joy, peace, love, help, and strength. To paraphrase a wise friend of mine, there is nothing that we need that He is not.

I sink into His arms and sigh.

Tammy is OK, but this isn't about her

For those of you who check on Tammy, she is doing well, and I will tell you more about that later. However, I need to write about another special lady.

Sue Roberts went home to be with Jesus today. I did get an opportunity to meet her, but she was really tired. But what I know of her, I know because of her husband Gerald. I have no doubt that she is an amazingly great woman because she married an amazingly marvelous husband. He is the greatest testimony of her greatness. Sue and Gerald married 46 years ago, and his love for her has not faded. There has not been a day that he has not been here from the morning opening of the CVICU to the close for the evening, then he comes right back when visiting hours are open again at 8. The only time he took away from her was to go get a cup of coffee on the 4th floor, or to eat lunch, or to go home to work on the bathroom he was getting ready for Sue to come home.

But, I have to be honest, there are many dedicated family members up here. What has touched my heart more than anything has been how wonderfully Gerald has taken care of me. He has drug me out of the building at lunch to see a different view. He has listened to me rant when I was frustrated, and he has tucked me under his arm when I cried. He has encouraged me with scripture. He has checked on our girl when I was taking a break, and he has run out to get me when the doctors finally showed up so I could ask my questions. He has checked on me and has learned my moods without asking. It is odd how God provides family in strange places. In my dealings with him, he has been far more patient than I, far more gracious than I, and caring to everyone, every one who has come into this waiting room. All of these things speak loudly to how he has loved and cared for his wife, because the most phenominal people I know are married to people as amazing as they are.

So, this post is mostly about a lady i have not had the honor to know, and I am certain it would be an honor. However, we are family now, inexplicably bound together by events that have been completely out of our control from the beginning, and in God's hands all along. It is comforting to know I will have all of eternity to get to know her. So, it is with tears running down my face that I say that I say good-bye to Sue and thank you to her for marrying Gerald all those years ago, so that in this season, I could be ministered to by him during this season.

Dear Father, surround this precious family with your love. Protect them from attacks of doubt, of regret, of "what ifs" and "if onlys." Surround them with your arms of love and don't let them go. Send people who love them and to take care of them as they hurt. I pray, Lord, that some day soon they will be able to celebrate Sue's life, to enjoy funny stories, and mention her name without tears filling their souls. We know You have our days ordained from the beginning of time, but we always wish for one more. Help them to lean on You as they walk, or crawl, through their grief. Just keep them moving toward You. I know they are in Your hands, help them to know it as well, no matter what. Amen.

Awake at last! Almost.

She's the closest thing to awake that we have seen in 3 weeks and I can't help but smile. She still is not really "seeing" things, but she is following our sounds as we move around the room and she is lifting her hand. I swear to you earlier today, she waved good-bye. So it is a blessing to be able to "talk" to her, even though she can't really respond in a regular way. And though she responds, she is not consistant. However, she is showing enough activity that the nurse is asking me about visual cues that she gives to let me know how she is feeling. It's kind of like translating toddler talk. Only those who know the baby well know that, "ba" means "Can I have a Cheerio please?" I can already tell there are a few times she is frustrated that we can't read her mind. I can't wait until she can tell us what she thinks ... on second thought, maybe I can. However, the doctors cannot tell me when that might happen. I think when she gets ready to let me have it, I may sell tickets and we can give her a standing ovation when she is done! Something tells me she wouldn't think that is as great of an idea as I do!

They have been adjusting her vent settings and her sedation levels. She isn't really sure about what is going on, so, she gets stressed and the blood pressure goes up. They are giving her "chill out" meds to keep her calm, yet still able to evaluate her breathing. Her carbondioxide levels in her blood are still high because of the stiffness of her lungs. However, we are not sure they will change until she has a transplant.

I am still processing all of what God is teaching me. However, I am certain that the timing of the scriptures and the timing of my Bible study were not by accident, nor by my own manipulation. He purposely led me to the scriptures for the purpose of asking Him to heal Tammy. I am trusting His guidance. I am trusting His word. And I am trusting He will heal her according to His divine and perfect will.

Speaking too soon...

I mentioned in my last post that Tammy's blood pressure was OK, then I walked in the back and it was pretty high. Just like her to make a fibber out of me. I learned that they expected it would rise from the stress of coming out of the sedatives and not really being able to understand what is going on. So, they already had ordered the blood pressure meds. It is back down to normal, but in the interest of being honest, I wanted you all to know what's going on.

It should be an interesting night, so I am staying close by. I don't remember if I mentioned that she has been able to move her fingers closer together when we asked her to squeeze my hand. This is a great sign. She just has to build her strength back up.

Pray for me. I am realizing that the more tired I get, the more my real, not-so-very-nice self comes out. I am asking you to pray on my behalf that God will supernaturally fill me with His love for people and with His strength to keep on keepin' on. I am certain this is His desire for me and I know that if we pray according to His will, it will be done. I also know that there is my responsibility to be obedient to His urgings...but the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. Pray I will remain so much in Him that I will never do anything other than bring honor to Him. Actually, you should pray this for all of us...today I am just particularly needy.

Worn out ... both of us!

Actually, maybe all of us. It has been 1 month and 1 day since our frantic drive to the hospital. And we have a long way to go.

First let me clarify. There was some confusion yesterday when I said I was concerned more about "her heart." I meant her spiritual/emotional heart, not the thump-thump, physical heart. Other than a fast heartbeat because of meds (and disorientation) her heart is OK. Her blood pressure is OK, but sometimes is affected by meds. But her heart is working OK.

Now that that is out of the way, this is the beginning of a long road. They have taken her sedation meds way down, so she is a little more interactive, though not coherant. She tries to turn to our voices and raises her hand to get our attention. If she is laying uncomfortably, she tries to adjust herself in the bed, so we have to work that for her by lifting the sheet and moving her slowly. Which only lasts until the bed shifts her around! (She has one of those inflating matresses that shift her weight to keep from getting bed sores.) However, they have warned us that now that she is coming out from under the sedation meds, she will become more and more uncomfortable and will move and strain more. They are hoping she will not need to be resedated. The best way to determine what she can accomplish on her own is for her to be awake, but there is a medication that they can give her that will sedated her without interfering with the breathing patterns. So, pray for God to provide physical comfort to her and that she will be able to understand this is only for a little while.

Oh, and they are going to remove some of the old IV lines. They believe they could possibly the source of the fever, so they are going to change them just in case. Her fever did drop in response to the antibiotics, so it was caused by an infection of some sort. Hopefully, the lines are the problem., and she will not get any more fevers.

Now...I am going to go take a nap. I may get a chance to write more later this evening, but it will be after 8:00 pm if I do. If it isn't there by 9:00, I didn't get a chance. Thank you, guys and gals, for your patience with me.

Everything went OK

She is out of surgery. They said that everything went OK, and they will be removing the sedation over the next few days. She will not be very coherant, but she will begin to move around a bit. So, I am going to have to watch her pretty carefully because she sometimes fidgets too much. (Imagine that!)

The next few days could be pretty taxing for all of us, but especially Tammy. She has been non-comunicative for 3 weeks and a lot has happened since then. Not only will she be as weak as a newborn, but she has no clue about what has been going on around her. She has no clue why she had to have the traech. She has no clue why she is black and blue. She has no clue as to what is expected of her from here on out. She has no clue about her fingers. My concerns for her for the next few days have much more to do with her heart, her emotions, and her spirit than with getting her rehabilitated. I know, if her spirit is healthy, she will do everything in her power to be able to fight to whatever measure they have for her. But, we need to pray for God to comfort her and strengthen her as she faces the obstacles that she has yet to discover. She, on her own is strong, but it is going to take God carrying her to get her from where she is to where she needs to be. I also pray that she does not discover her hand or have her first lucid moments while she is alone. Again, it could be a few days, but we don't know when it will be.

We ask for your prayers with confidence, knowing how many of you are lifting her up. I have been told that there a special prayer groups meeting and that there are those of you who pray for her everyday. And we are being ministered to by the cards you are sending. We read them to Tammy, and the Docs are letting me tape them to the wall in her room so she will have something to look at as she wakes up! Tammy's life is a testimony to the power of one person to touch lives.

I also have a special prayer request for Sue. She has been here as long as we have been, and her liver is not functioning well. Here's the kicker... they can't figure out why! Pray for answers so they can figure out how to help her. Pray for her husband G___. He is an amazing, precious man who has ridden the rollercoaster with us while still riding on his own. Our motto is "Waiting and Leaning" and both families have leaned at different times. We are all get tired, but my friend needs encouragement, answers, and quite honestly, some rest. So if you could, lift him and Sue up when you pray for Tammy.

We will try to keep you updated as things change, but I don't think I'll have a computer this evening, so it may be later in the day tomorrow. Remember, those of you who have my cell, remember you can call anytime.

Another day, another battle or two!

Tammy's fever is being stubborn. It was pretty high over night and was hanging on this morning even with Tylenol. So, the docs are going to blast her with antibiotics and run more blood cultures to see what is going on. We need to continue to pray that she responds quickly. Infections can lead to other problems that we don't want to have to deal with. We can trust that this doesn't suprise God, so we are trusting him. It could be that it is related to the central line they put in a few days ago, but we don't really know.

The fever is not going to prevent the surgeons from doing the traecheotomy. (I really should check the spelling on that, but not sure that I can be bothered!) They have it scheduled at 12:00 tomorrow afternoon. For those of you not familiar with surgery schedules, that just means that it will happen sometime that day. So pray that everything will go smoothly. Also pray that there will be no infection complications at the site of the tube.

I need to keep it short today because we need to shuffle kids around town. I am trusting God will keep you safe today as you go.

It's been a good day...

And I think we are all tired. But we are praising God for the number of you who have joined us. There were many from Tammy's church that came up to pray, and there were many more of you who prayed where you were. I know that God has heard the cries of His children on Tammy's behalf, and I am confident that He is still working to His perfect purpose. It was a powerful time of praise and petition, and I know the impact of this day's prayers will spread beyond our imaginations. Remember, He is able to do exceedingly, abundantly beyond all we ask or imagine.

Tammy has had a fever today, so pray that the doctors will have the wisdom to determine if they need to wait to put in the trache or if they need to procede. Her heart rate was also a little more rapid today than usual. We were cautious to not stimulate (aggravate?) her as we were praying and had to leave a little earlier than I would have liked. Thankfully, I am convinced that is not the number of our words that determine our ability to be heard by God. Nor does He use the number of words to judge how fervently we desire His help. Can you imagine? "Well, Charlotte," He would say, "all together you only prayed 450 words. The number of words you have to reach to be sincere is 449 so you are OK there. But if you really wanted Me to say yes, you should have prayed to 451." How hard it would be to have to always wonder if you met the right measure. We are so blessed to have a Father that sees into our souls, who hears our hearts cry, and despite our faltering, inadequate words, knows our deepest needs. Oh, how He is teaching me to trust Him.

So, in light of our prayers today, Psalm 27:13-14. Memorize it. And as we wait to see His hand, be confident you will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. May He bless you beyond your imaginations as you seek His face.