Nobody knows...

"Each heart knows its own bitterness,
and no on can share its joy." Prov. 14:10

When I read this verse this morning, I was struck with how much it applied to my day yesterday. As much as we hurt for Tammy, worry for Tammy, pray for Tammy, and care for Tammy, our hearts will never understand the journey her heart is traveling. We can really never know the true extent of what anyone is feeling, be it joy or sadness. We also can't expect anyone to understand exactly where how our heart is either. Even if we use eloquent words or demonstrative emotions, only your heart can feel what you feel.

That being said, Tammy seems to be in better spirits today, based on what I can see with my eyes. At least her humor is back. She motioned me over, so I went through my usual list of questions: "Are you hot? Cold? Hurting? Need me to do something?" No to all of them. Then, in my infinite wisdom and great presence of mind, I asked, "Do you need to tell me something?" Immediately, she closed her eyes, grinned, and huffed. Then, it dawned on me! Duh! Poor kid hasn't been able to say a word for a month! She has thousands of somethings to tell me! I assured her that was the last dumb question of the day, she laughed again. "OK, so I'll try to keep it to one a day," I promised. She nodded her head with a look that said, "Good luck with that one!" And no, I never figured out that time what she wanted in the first place. I think she was trying to help me keep my promise!

She has slept a lot today, probably because she didn't sleep at all until last night. Her numbers on her blood work are doing good. Our goals: stave off any infections, decrease pressure support from vent, get off vent, get strong. In that order. The pressure support is how much the machine assists when she initiates breath. She has been able to initiate breath for several days, and the support started at 25. She is now down to 19. She says the drop this time was so gradual that she can't tell a difference. That is a great thing!

We know she is tough and determined. Pray she perseveres through this. The doctors have all said if anyone can get the job done, it is her. The nurses are so excited to see her smile. They have loved on her and cared for her with no interaction. I am anticipating them fighting over who gets to take care of her each day. Keep checking in and keep encouraging her. It is easy to rest and think that the road only goes up from here, but there are always bumps and potholes on a seldom used road. Not to mention falling rocks and damaged guard rails.

There's one other thing you can do. I am just not a very funny person, and we all know Tammy loves to laugh. The next time you are in the grocery store or drug store, could you pick up and mail a funny "get well" or "encouragement" card? You can send them to the hospital, the Euless PD, or to her home address. (I don't want to post any addresses on the blog, but get creative!) I'd like to fill her room with things that will make her smile. Since cards are OK, and balloons, stuffed animals, and flowers are not, I thought it would be fun. Help me keep a smile on her face.