Ok, I am just going to start out being honest. I have written this post twice, and tried to post it five times. There is nothing that boggles the mind more than what happens when you hit a button on the computer and things start disappearing. For that reason, this post has not been spell checked, nor am I going to waste time reading over what I have written. However, I need you to know that I am praying that God will remind me of all that I wrote before so that I do not miss anything He intended me to say, and that I will be sensitive enough to eliminate whatever He wanted me to omit.
This weekend at the women's retreat that I attended, an friend of mine shared a passage of scripture with us that God has been using in her life in a powerful way recently. I knew the passage, but had not come across it recently, and when she finished I wanted to stand up and shout! Of course, being the reserved, calm, mature church lady that I am (HA!), I refrained from the impulse. However, I will not resist the urge to share these words with you.
"But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all." 2 Corinthians 4:7-8, 16-17
My friends, we have been pressed and perplexed. I am not sure about persecuted, but I assure Tammy's body was definitely struck down. But we are not crushed, nor are we in dispair. We were never abandoned, and no matter what we will never be destroyed. We are all painfully aware that our bodies are really only jars of clay: formed for a purpose, yet fragile, able to be cracked and then repaired, but not without a scar. And why? To show that the all-surpassing power to heal, to alter situations, to have peace, to be strong, to persevere, to save a soul, to tranform a life, to move on, to press on, to give more, to do more, to survive more - this power comes from God. It is important to remember, it doesn't come from Tammy nor from the love of Tammy, not from her family nor their dedication, not from the doctors nor their medications, not from reason, nor chance, nor coincidence, nor karma - it comes from our God! There is no God but our God. And even in the midst of what we are going through, we have been reminded over and over by our waiting room friends, our horrid troubles are only light and temporary. Light, because of Christ bearing us through, and temporary, because like all seasons, eventually this season will pass. One day! O, one day! Our enternity will be glorious!
Now, for Tammy's current struggle, this weekend has been pretty good. She was able to have the smaller chest tube removed, and she isn't on pain meds anymore. The med she was on made her a little spaced out and a whole lot tired, so she is glad to be done with it I think. She has been making up for lost time teasing her family. It has been a busy weekend in CVICU because they have done two transplants in two days. Because of that, Tam has been moved to a new room in the unit. She is still in isolation, so when you come, make sure you ask where you can clean up and get your mask and gloves. The room is one of the smaller rooms, so we probably ought to be more diligent about the "two at a time" rule. Sorry, the room's just not very big.
I would like one more time to ask you to allow me to ask for prayer, this time, closer to my heart. My dad's mom, my Nanny, is 90+ years old and she is not doing very well mentally, emotinally, and more than likely, spiritually as well. She is beginning to lose touch with what is real and what is not. I wish I could say she was slipping into blissful memories, but that is not the case. All of her thoughts are leaning toward the horrid and scary. She is constantly afraid, and though she is in no danger, she is unable to reason with herself. Every bad story is her reality. In order to protect her privacy and her dignity, I will not elaborate further. I beg and implore you to please lift her in your prayers this week. We know that "perfect love casts out all fear," so pray God's perfect love permeates her mind, heart, and soul.
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