While I adjust my rhythm. I am no longer staying nights at the hospital, so I am having to find times to blog and give my kiddos some long needed attention, plus all the other stuff that goes along with being at home. I mean, now I have to make my own bed, wash and fold my own towels, and if I need a soda, I am going to have to squeeze in time to go to the grocery store. Granted life will be a lot less expensive, but it will definitely be busier. But it is worth it.
Tammy is also adjusting to the chest tubes. She did sit in the recliner again yesterday, but she was a little nauseous. I think that is because of the pain meds, plus they changed the formulation of her liquid diet. We are trying to get enough nutrition into her to allow her to get stronger and heal, but her stomach is having a hard time adjusting to the volume of food she needs. Plus, when she moves, the tubes hurt. She's not quite sure how to explain it, but as she said, "It's not fun."
She did get a visit from her supervisors at the EPD. I think it made her day to see them. They came to deliver a card and some good news, but . . . that is all I am going to tell you about the news. For many of you, it is not a secret, for those of you who don't . . . you'll have to check back next weekend to find out. Yes, that is a shameless teaser, but I want to be able to tell the whole story, and it won't be finished until next week, so . . . there you go!
Nighttime is going pretty well for her as well. Of course, she has been on pain meds that have her sleeping like a rock on a sunny hillside. She has encouraged us both nights to go home. I am so thankful to God that He has brought us to this place. Every step toward getting closer to another transplant is a step prepared by God. Every trip home is a trip prepared by Him. Dare we even allow our selves to explore that thought further? Yes, sometimes the road seems tragic. (There has been a lot of that in the ICU this last few weeks.) Sometimes, it seems we are hanging on the side of a cliff, nevermind considering a road. But none of it is a surprise for Him. So, ask Him why He has you where you are, right at this time, for what purpose. The answers do not always come easy. In some situations, it never comes easy. You may need to sit alone, rocking, crying, wailing, begging for a hint of a clue. But let me encourage you, make sure you don't go there alone. Take God and His Word with you. Read the book of James or begin going through the Psalms, one at a time. Read until He gives you a glimpse of His plan or some comfort for you to cling to. Of one thing I am certain. If you look for Him, if you long for Him, if you are willing to search Him out . . . you will find Him. That is my experience, but that is not my promise. It's His.
Friday, March 27, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
You can run, but you can't hide!
I kinda feel like I am writing a western novel. Yesterday, we dodged bullets, but today we hear the ominous threat of the bad guys, warning us that they are going to pay us back one way or the other. It is funny how life takes a theme.
Today, the bullet caught us. Tammy ended up have to get a chest tube, actually two tubes. Her lung had deflated in a small area at the top and a larger area at the bottom of her LEFT lung. (Earlier a respiratory therapist told us it was the right, shows what they know.) The area in the middle remained "inflated" but what we think happened was scar tissue was holding it open, preventing it from collapsing. They decided to use the two tubes to drain the appropriate areas of her lung. She was feeling OK when I left her for the evening break, but she said the whole process hurts. I foresee an evening of pain killers . . . and maybe an opportunity to collect some blackmail material.
We do have one small victory to proclaim. Actually it was really a big hurdle. She was able to sit in a recliner for the first time today, not the cardiac chair, but the real recliner. Just so you can understand just how amazing this feat is for her. First, she has to use her abdominal muscles move herself into a sitting position while the nurse swings her legs over the side of the bed. Then once she gets to the side of the be she has to hold herself upright until they get the iv tubes, trache tubing, and all the other paraphernalia positioned just right. Next comes the slide off the edge of the bed onto two feet who haven't been on the floor since the 7th of February. Her legs, which have been robbed of the purpose they were created for, have to lift her and stabilize her enough to allow her to spin around so she can be in the right position. Even with the strength of two nurses, the burden of having to work causes them to shake and quiver, challenging her equilibrium and her stability. Once she is in position, the nurses help her ease into the chair. By this time, her legs have just about had it. Finally the reward, she gets to kick back in the recliner and feel secure and somewhat normal for the first time in a long time. Only to follow the reward with having to do everything again, only backwards. It was an exhausting morning.
When you are done reading this and you move away from you computer, think about every movement that has to come together to make that happen. Then praise God that you, dear friend, are "fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalm 139.
I am also hit with the realization that I am so very blessed even though sometimes we try to run away from God and His truth, God lets us run, yet, beloved creation of God, we can never, ever hide. He is just waiting for us to turn and look back. He is right there waiting.
Today, the bullet caught us. Tammy ended up have to get a chest tube, actually two tubes. Her lung had deflated in a small area at the top and a larger area at the bottom of her LEFT lung. (Earlier a respiratory therapist told us it was the right, shows what they know.) The area in the middle remained "inflated" but what we think happened was scar tissue was holding it open, preventing it from collapsing. They decided to use the two tubes to drain the appropriate areas of her lung. She was feeling OK when I left her for the evening break, but she said the whole process hurts. I foresee an evening of pain killers . . . and maybe an opportunity to collect some blackmail material.
We do have one small victory to proclaim. Actually it was really a big hurdle. She was able to sit in a recliner for the first time today, not the cardiac chair, but the real recliner. Just so you can understand just how amazing this feat is for her. First, she has to use her abdominal muscles move herself into a sitting position while the nurse swings her legs over the side of the bed. Then once she gets to the side of the be she has to hold herself upright until they get the iv tubes, trache tubing, and all the other paraphernalia positioned just right. Next comes the slide off the edge of the bed onto two feet who haven't been on the floor since the 7th of February. Her legs, which have been robbed of the purpose they were created for, have to lift her and stabilize her enough to allow her to spin around so she can be in the right position. Even with the strength of two nurses, the burden of having to work causes them to shake and quiver, challenging her equilibrium and her stability. Once she is in position, the nurses help her ease into the chair. By this time, her legs have just about had it. Finally the reward, she gets to kick back in the recliner and feel secure and somewhat normal for the first time in a long time. Only to follow the reward with having to do everything again, only backwards. It was an exhausting morning.
When you are done reading this and you move away from you computer, think about every movement that has to come together to make that happen. Then praise God that you, dear friend, are "fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalm 139.
I am also hit with the realization that I am so very blessed even though sometimes we try to run away from God and His truth, God lets us run, yet, beloved creation of God, we can never, ever hide. He is just waiting for us to turn and look back. He is right there waiting.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Well, dodged the bullet one more day...
They still haven't ruled out the possibility of the chest tube. Tammy's blood is still a little thin, so they don't want to risk the possibility of extra bleeding without knowing for sure if it will help her feel better. Her stats have been fine up to this point even though it is still a little tough to breathe. She's not in pain, she just has to work harder. The lung has not inflated any further, but it does not appear to be getting worse at this time. We are hoping it will begin to show signs of improvement on the next x-rays. They had upped her oxygen to 100% because that can help the hole in her lung to heal. Today they decreased it to 60% to allow her to get used to a lower level before they go back, to the 40% she was used to. And, here is a number you haven't heard in a while, her PEEP has been lowered to 4. It has been at 5 for 3 weeks now, and I didn't think they were going to lower it again. Shows what I know. They also lowered her pressure support to 10%. Remember, we are asking God to lower that to between 5 and 8, so they can try her off the vent. I am not sure if they will attempt that until her lung gets better. We will see.
Tammy is feeling better. I know for sure because she is begging for chocolate milk. Nestle's Chocolate Milk. Not from the powder. The already mixed kind you get in the dairy section. When someone is that specific, you can tell it has become a bit of an obsession. I have gotten to the place where I feel bad every time I go out to get a drink of water. I generally just say that I need to step out for a minute, or I wait until she sleeps.
Speaking of sleeping, she and I both skipped that last night. YAWN! She was coughing a lot, and we had a rookie nurse. Enough said? I am not generally a complainer, but I didn't want to leave her knowing she was needing help. Thankfully, the day nurse was much better, and her coughing was not as severe, so I was able to take a nap (like a 4.5 hour one) this afternoon. It should be interesting to see how tonight goes. So far, no coughing, but I am not going to mention it out loud. Oh, and as to why she was coughing, no clue she was just much more sensitive to sensations in her throat. Pray for good sleep and no discomfort.
Tammy is feeling better. I know for sure because she is begging for chocolate milk. Nestle's Chocolate Milk. Not from the powder. The already mixed kind you get in the dairy section. When someone is that specific, you can tell it has become a bit of an obsession. I have gotten to the place where I feel bad every time I go out to get a drink of water. I generally just say that I need to step out for a minute, or I wait until she sleeps.
Speaking of sleeping, she and I both skipped that last night. YAWN! She was coughing a lot, and we had a rookie nurse. Enough said? I am not generally a complainer, but I didn't want to leave her knowing she was needing help. Thankfully, the day nurse was much better, and her coughing was not as severe, so I was able to take a nap (like a 4.5 hour one) this afternoon. It should be interesting to see how tonight goes. So far, no coughing, but I am not going to mention it out loud. Oh, and as to why she was coughing, no clue she was just much more sensitive to sensations in her throat. Pray for good sleep and no discomfort.
Monday, March 23, 2009
Tenacity
"Tenacity is more than endurance, it is endurance combined with the absolute certainty that what we are looking for is going to transpire. Tenacity is more than just hanging on, which may be but the weakness of being too afraid to fall off. Tenacity is the supreme effot of a man refusing to believe that his hero is going to be conquered, . . . Remain spirtually tenacious."
Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, February 22
After reading this quote that was in my Bible Study for today, I have decided that "tenacious" is my new favorite word for describing Tammy! Her response to lung disease from the very beginning has born the proof of her tenacity. She was doing much more than "hangin' in there," she has looked forward with confidence. There has seldom been any "ifs" in her conversations, alway she says "when." She is convinced that God is with her and He is going to finish whatever it was that He started in her. And, it is great to know that her confidence has also been supported now by proof.
There a some of you that she has met because of the first transplant. There are some of you who have watched her live life, and know these things are true. There are those of you who are encouraged through your own struggles because Tammy has been going through so much and hasn't stopped moving forward. There are those of you who knew Tammy before and realize that at times, when she is well, that you can't even tell a difference because she still laughs as easy, still jokes as much, and keeps pushing herself even physically. There are some of you who have never even met her, but know someone who has, and this story of God's love for her, this story of His power transforming her life and restoring her health, has become an encouragement to you.
You see, even while she is lying in the bed, dependent on someone to read her lips for communication, even with a collapsed lung (no new word today on that), God is still fulfilling His purpose in her life. It is her confidence that God is already victorious in her life. She doesn't preach it. She doesn't drag it in to every conversation, though she is not shy about it. What she does do - loudly, clearly, and pointedly - is LIVE it.
Oswald Chambers, My Utmost for His Highest, February 22
After reading this quote that was in my Bible Study for today, I have decided that "tenacious" is my new favorite word for describing Tammy! Her response to lung disease from the very beginning has born the proof of her tenacity. She was doing much more than "hangin' in there," she has looked forward with confidence. There has seldom been any "ifs" in her conversations, alway she says "when." She is convinced that God is with her and He is going to finish whatever it was that He started in her. And, it is great to know that her confidence has also been supported now by proof.
There a some of you that she has met because of the first transplant. There are some of you who have watched her live life, and know these things are true. There are those of you who are encouraged through your own struggles because Tammy has been going through so much and hasn't stopped moving forward. There are those of you who knew Tammy before and realize that at times, when she is well, that you can't even tell a difference because she still laughs as easy, still jokes as much, and keeps pushing herself even physically. There are some of you who have never even met her, but know someone who has, and this story of God's love for her, this story of His power transforming her life and restoring her health, has become an encouragement to you.
You see, even while she is lying in the bed, dependent on someone to read her lips for communication, even with a collapsed lung (no new word today on that), God is still fulfilling His purpose in her life. It is her confidence that God is already victorious in her life. She doesn't preach it. She doesn't drag it in to every conversation, though she is not shy about it. What she does do - loudly, clearly, and pointedly - is LIVE it.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Praise God Today is Sunday
Is there really a better day to ask people to pray? They are already coming together for Bible Study. Their hearts are already turned toward God. No one has to alter plans to get together with other believers. So, is anyone surprised to learn that her lung has begun to inflate?
You see, last night I discovered that there was not a full collapse of the lung, but that it was progressively getting worse. The plan of action in that case was to have to put in a chest tube to remove any excess air or fluids accumulating to allow the lung to inflate. So, when I woke up this morning, I thought I'd better hurry down there so I wouldn't miss the procedure. I didn't want her to be scared. It took a while for the doctor to get to us, but when he came in he told us that the x-rays were improving, so no chest tube for today! Yay!
Once again, your prayers were answered specifically. Celebrate today! I keep humming the old hymn:
'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
and to take Him at His word;
just to rest upon His promise,
and to know, "Thus saith the Lord."
Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I've proved Him o'er and o'er!
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O, for grace to trust Him more!
O, dear Lord, for grace to trust Him more! There really is no name more precious, no name more powerful, no name more sweet, no name more worthy of praise than the name Jesus! How blessed we are to call Him Savior, Lord, and Friend. Have a blessed an glorious day.
You see, last night I discovered that there was not a full collapse of the lung, but that it was progressively getting worse. The plan of action in that case was to have to put in a chest tube to remove any excess air or fluids accumulating to allow the lung to inflate. So, when I woke up this morning, I thought I'd better hurry down there so I wouldn't miss the procedure. I didn't want her to be scared. It took a while for the doctor to get to us, but when he came in he told us that the x-rays were improving, so no chest tube for today! Yay!
Once again, your prayers were answered specifically. Celebrate today! I keep humming the old hymn:
'Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,
and to take Him at His word;
just to rest upon His promise,
and to know, "Thus saith the Lord."
Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him!
How I've proved Him o'er and o'er!
Jesus, Jesus, precious Jesus!
O, for grace to trust Him more!
O, dear Lord, for grace to trust Him more! There really is no name more precious, no name more powerful, no name more sweet, no name more worthy of praise than the name Jesus! How blessed we are to call Him Savior, Lord, and Friend. Have a blessed an glorious day.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Not Every Day Can Be a Good Day
Thursday evening started off rough with nausea and dry heaves. It was not a fun evening, so we were glad when the nurse gave her some medicine that let her sleep for a whole two hours. You have to understand, there is no way - none - that anyone could have kept up with Tammy's sleep schedule the three days before. We would watch TV until 12:30 or 1:00 am, then I would beg out. She might actually nod off to sleep. However, when I would return at 4:00 am, the nurse would tell me she only slept 30 min to an hour at most. Then we would chat and talk until 6:00 am. I would go crash for a few hours. She would have physical therapy and maybe occupational therapy while I was gone. When I would get back to her, she would be in the chair. Even when she was exhausted from being in the chair, she still would only snooze for a few minutes, then she'd be awake until 1:30 or 2:00 pm. Then she would take another 45 minute nap, only to be awake until I couldn't keep my eyes open at 12:30 am again. So, even though the nausea was bad, you understand why I said at least she slept.
When I came in at 5 that morning, she was fine, but when I returned at 10:30, she was hurting. Her arm and her hand were making her miserable. To touch it or move it would bring her to tears. This time they gave her some pain meds that absolutely knocked her out. She even slept through a visit from one of her friends. It took all day for us to finally get an ice pack, but when I returned later, she was much better but still in pain. Her sister came up and spent the night Friday, because I had to work this morning, which was a great relief since the previous 24 hours hadn't been so easy.
When we returned this afternoon, we discovered that she has a lung that has collapsed, sometime in the last couple of days. The kicker is, they are going to wait to see if it re-inflates itself, and may not do anything until Monday. Pray, please pray. But at this point, do not only pray that will re-inflate, also pray for the Doctors that I don't become impatient. It is so hard for "wait and see." I don't know medicine, even though I am much smarter than 8 weeks ago. And I know that my verse for this season tells me to "Wait for the Lord," so I know things are in His hands, but it is hard to know when I am supposed to say something, and when I am supposed to shut up and wait. I really need to talk to a doctor so I can learn one more thing, so I can understand better. What I do know is that in order for them to re-inflate the lung, she will have to have a chest tube. Which may be why they want to wait, so, dear Warriors on your knees, pray once again for a miracle.
Before I go much further, I need to let you know, she is not in too much pain from the collapsed lung. Remember that there are no nerve connections between her brain and her lungs. The nerves do not grow from her bronchial tubes to the donor lungs. So, it hurts a little to breathe because of the muscles, but the lung itself doesn't hurt. It is serious stuff, but she is not in excruciating pain.
So, if you decide to come visit, please give us a call first. If you don't have our number, you probably know someone who does. If you can't get in touch with them, you can call the hospital waiting room. The number is in the phone book. I am not going to list the information here to reduce the chance of spammers and other people locating this blog through a search or other spy ware program. Thanks for understanding.
When I came in at 5 that morning, she was fine, but when I returned at 10:30, she was hurting. Her arm and her hand were making her miserable. To touch it or move it would bring her to tears. This time they gave her some pain meds that absolutely knocked her out. She even slept through a visit from one of her friends. It took all day for us to finally get an ice pack, but when I returned later, she was much better but still in pain. Her sister came up and spent the night Friday, because I had to work this morning, which was a great relief since the previous 24 hours hadn't been so easy.
When we returned this afternoon, we discovered that she has a lung that has collapsed, sometime in the last couple of days. The kicker is, they are going to wait to see if it re-inflates itself, and may not do anything until Monday. Pray, please pray. But at this point, do not only pray that will re-inflate, also pray for the Doctors that I don't become impatient. It is so hard for "wait and see." I don't know medicine, even though I am much smarter than 8 weeks ago. And I know that my verse for this season tells me to "Wait for the Lord," so I know things are in His hands, but it is hard to know when I am supposed to say something, and when I am supposed to shut up and wait. I really need to talk to a doctor so I can learn one more thing, so I can understand better. What I do know is that in order for them to re-inflate the lung, she will have to have a chest tube. Which may be why they want to wait, so, dear Warriors on your knees, pray once again for a miracle.
Before I go much further, I need to let you know, she is not in too much pain from the collapsed lung. Remember that there are no nerve connections between her brain and her lungs. The nerves do not grow from her bronchial tubes to the donor lungs. So, it hurts a little to breathe because of the muscles, but the lung itself doesn't hurt. It is serious stuff, but she is not in excruciating pain.
So, if you decide to come visit, please give us a call first. If you don't have our number, you probably know someone who does. If you can't get in touch with them, you can call the hospital waiting room. The number is in the phone book. I am not going to list the information here to reduce the chance of spammers and other people locating this blog through a search or other spy ware program. Thanks for understanding.
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Confession...I had the day off...
I went to play with the kids. We had a great time. Thank you for asking! We went to a movie, and I made my daughter's day by going shopping, and my son's day by buying a Wii game and renting another. It was a blessing to be able to leave. Thank you to the cousin who came and hung out with Tammy today.
However, I hear she had a great day. She was able to sit up on the side of the bed with her feet dangling. They had to stabilize her a little bit, but she was really excited. I have to tell you, if you want to be encouraged, if you want to see prayers in action, if seeing her smile will make you smile, you need to come visit. Call before you come so that we don't all hit her at once, but I can assure you, it is worth the drive. I would like to ask that you don't come in large numbers. It can wear her (and the nurses) out. But it would be great if she had a visitor or two every day. Daytime during the week is the best time, but I know that so many of you work. I also encourage those of you who came to see her when she was so very sick to come be encouraged by the power of prayer. You, more than others, will really be in awe of all that God has accomplished through your prayers.
I apologise for the short post, but my dinner is here. I promise not to be so negligent tomorrow.
However, I hear she had a great day. She was able to sit up on the side of the bed with her feet dangling. They had to stabilize her a little bit, but she was really excited. I have to tell you, if you want to be encouraged, if you want to see prayers in action, if seeing her smile will make you smile, you need to come visit. Call before you come so that we don't all hit her at once, but I can assure you, it is worth the drive. I would like to ask that you don't come in large numbers. It can wear her (and the nurses) out. But it would be great if she had a visitor or two every day. Daytime during the week is the best time, but I know that so many of you work. I also encourage those of you who came to see her when she was so very sick to come be encouraged by the power of prayer. You, more than others, will really be in awe of all that God has accomplished through your prayers.
I apologise for the short post, but my dinner is here. I promise not to be so negligent tomorrow.
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